Lesson #2: Most of the Helping Professionals Really Want to Help   (Ann)

It has been my experience that the people we reach out to for help for our children, whether they are teachers, therapists, or others in the community, are for the most part competent, caring people. Unfortunately, they are frequently overworked, underpaid, and under appreciated. Our kids are like square pegs trying to be put into round holes. It’s a difficult task that requires flexibility, not an easy task in a large school system.

Knowing how to work with the system, especially the school system is an ongoing learning process for parents. My son’s first two years of public school were in a self-contained classroom for students with autism and the remaining years he was fully included in regular education settings. When I think back to my experiences with the schools, I can remember many wonderful years with great teachers and very positive experiences.

I can also remember a few difficult situations with some not so supportive teachers and administrators. We had a third grade teacher who complained when Eric didn't write the math problems on the line even though he got all the answers right, and who once said to me, “He’s awfully small for his age. Shouldn't he be in 2nd grade?” She obviously didn't want him in her class. We had another teacher in high school that never returned my calls, never attended any meetings, and would never supply any of the modifications that Eric was supposed to receive. She too, obviously didn't want to have Eric in her class.

But, the majority of teachers, principles, and guidance counselors we had during our 12 years of public school, DID want my son in their class and in their school. They may not have been very knowledgeable about autism or the spectrum at the beginning and they might not have known how to work well with visual learners or how to be consistent with a schedule, but they were definitely more knowledgeable after having Eric as a student and hopefully they became more interested in having students like him in the future.

Don't assume when your child goes into a new class or a new school that you are going to have to fight for everything or that you aren't going to have creative, energetic teachers. I think we need to go into those situations with positive attitudes and if things aren't as we like, we need to offer our support to make them better. As parents, I think we have to try to understand the limitations on the system when we are asking for services for our children. We have to pick our battles and fight for those things that are the most important for our children’s success and their self-esteem. If we alienate the people working with our children, no one wins, especially our kids.

Here are some general suggestions that may be helpful when working with the teachers or professionals who are helping your child:

Be prepared. Before a school year begins, meet with the teachers and support personnel. Share with them your child’s strengths and weaknesses and your vision for your child. Help answer any questions they may have about working with your child.
Be an active and interested parent. You might volunteer in the class or at the school, help make activities at home, make phone calls to parents, volunteer with school outings or celebrations. Being involved helps the teacher feel supported but also helps the parent better understand the challenges the teacher may face in the classroom.
Express your feelings. Let the teacher know when you feel they are doing a good job and when you feel that things are not going well.
Remember, a good teacher is one that is creative and uses a variety of knowledge or approaches, individualized for your child’s success. There is rarely one answer or one solution to help our children but often a combination of different approaches.
Be respectful and a good listener. When differences of opinion arise, talk them out. Look for ways to reach a compromise, but keep your child’s needs uppermost in your mind. Keep the focus on your child.